Here is the very first episode of a new series that is scheduled to be a podcast/vlog on a weekly or bi-weekly basis. Tell us what you think, and thanks for watching! (yes, it is long… hang in there!)
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10 misconstrued events
- Lack of considerable and noticeable effort
- Consumption of all the wants but never enough of the needs
- Before Christmas, the worst possible time to ever plan a bad time
- I sometimes denied your happiness to accept my own
- Freedom became less running away and more about the realization that you were that freedom
- The separation of two hearts
- People… change?
- What a beautiful life to waste
- I felt I couldn’t wait any longer, but I could…
- You KNOW me!
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Easy lacks effort and lack of effort rewards no experience.
2017 FX THE MOVIE FINALLY COMES OUT..
Kidding. Joke, and at this point… very inside joke.
2017 is fueling me. Growing me. Giving me unprecedented strength.
I got this. Fuck me if it won’t be easy, but you know I got this…
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Trackpad on my laptop, I loathe thee as of late, to say I’d wish for nothing more than to stab through you with my tv remote would be a grave understatement.
I digress….
They don’t know anymore, but I’m still here. That feeling of actually feeling something at the worst, most inconvenient time is upon myself once again.
I don’t think of anyone or anything more than you at this time of year. The feeling occupies my absurd life at the best and worst of times. It’s inescapable most of the time.
What it was, was a moment we shared in a parking lot outside a supermarket what seems like ages ago now. Inside the car, with an exchange of a gift for me, from you, in exchange I proved the ultimate fool that I am. Fuck. Memory often replayed during the holiday seasons. I still have said gift. I still have fondness.
Just look at what this all became. I turn my head, left to right, I don’t see a life built with courage and an attitude you respected. I see an easy life, I see an arrangement of “that’s good enough”, a bouquet of temporary things filling temporary voids. My, what a void this has become. I want you to know that without a moments notice, I would let our voids pull together, again and re-create the world in which it should have always been…
Somber choices abound. Though, I feel that there may still be one auspicious decision in the perfect origami-like life we made apart. We feel safe for now, but to be bold, to become a risk again. This is no adventure I am on any more, can you not see that? Our destination was met long ago, dear.
I’ll become that risk for you again…
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October 21st thus marked the three month mark of my being on a sugar-free diet whilst only drinking water. As some friends like to confirm, I would indulge in the odd McD’s burger here and there, and bagels, bagels almost everyday! Yet, it was just important to show to myself (and perhaps to others) that I can go three entire months with no chocolate bars, no candy, no chips, no pop, no energy drinks, no donuts, cake… not even a single piece of .05 candy such as my all time favorite blue whales. I lasted. I did it. I lost nearly 15 lbs and my blood pressure and heart rate is perfect!
That all said, I also ended it on that same day by going to Tim Horton’s and getting an eclair and blueberry (or some form of berry) fritter. It was then that I realized… I need to just do me, as cliche as that is to hear these days. My mother to this day still smokes a pack a day (ugh, too lazy to fix the grammar of using the same word twice in one sentence), and that has always resonated with me and I still buy her a pack of smokes for Christmas every year because it makes her happy, and I’d rather she be happy and comfortable, even if it’s a complete disregard to her health.
So yeah, I am back on the junk food wagon and I feel complete again. Don’t judge me! Who knows, maybe when I’m in Nait this January, I might go back on a similar diet to keep my brain up and running well…
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